1 strong and barely controllable emotion.
2 a state or outburst of such emotion
synonyms
rage - ardor - anger - love
(Revision of Shameless, Passionless from April 3, 2012)
Over the last few weeks, I've found myself absolutely, wildly, unapologetically enamored and consumed by my new favorite television show: Shameless. The American version is based on a British television show that originally aired in 2004. The show depicts a raging alcoholic of a father who somehow managed to keep his six children alive just long enough to learn how to raise themselves. Eldest sister and pseudo-mother, Fiona, runs the show at the whopping age of twenty one. She's followed by hottie mcsmartypants seventeen-year old brother, Lip (short for Philip) who is then followed by not-so-in-the-closet sixteen-year old Ian, ten-going-on-thirty year old Debbie, somewhat creepy and quasi-arsonist sociopathic eight-year old Carl and little no-one-knows-why-but-black baby Liam.
In other words, it's absolutely phenomenal.
However, like every other ShoTime television series (Weeds, Pushing Daisies, Nurse Jackie, etc.) the show oftentimes flirts with line between hilarious and utterly depressing. Yet, the reality that certain happy events are often tainted with depressing side effects and specific depressing situations are often sprinkled with hilarious moments, comforts me in a way that I struggle to articulate properly. However, this mixture of emotions also forces me to question something that I realize I have been avoiding for quite some time.
Where has my passion gone?
Rewind to 2008...
I was passionate about everything, from politics, to the environment, to the Yankees' triumph over Boston, I burned with the fire of a thousand angry New Yorkers. I was permanently banned from political discussions with my own family because I "took it too personally." I would walk away from my conservative relatives in tears wondering how people I admired so much could care so little about something so important. I was head-over-heels-classic-80's-movie-style-in-love with my (now ex) boyfriend. The majority of the time I couldn't decide if I loved him or despised him but I ached for him with an endless, passionate fury.
I was young, more ignorant than I would ever admit and more passionate than I ever believe I'll be again.
Flash-Forward Four Years...
I'm exhausted. When I reflect upon my last four years in college, I notice an increase in my ability to take shit from others and a decrease in my capacity to feel enraged. Until recently, I had always viewed my increasingly laid-back attitude as a great achievement. But the more I think about, the more I realize that it's not so much an impressive achievement, but rather a horrifying side effect to a seemingly endless cycle of: work, study, booze, repeat.
College has made me numb.
I'm overworked and underpaid. I'm too tired to fight the man. I'm too tired to argue. I want to follow politics but with every scandal that is unveiled, my capacity to care lessens. I love hugging trees, but I'm far too broke to buy local. I'll die a Yankees fan but I'm sick of arguing with Red Sox fans about why they'll always be a lesser team.
And "love"?
...Does it even exist in college? As a third party objective perspective, I feel that most of the single people I know are only interested in one thing... and it's not love.
And people in relationships? Oftentimes it seems to me that they're more interested in the stability and constant attention than mad, crazy, passionate love.
This brings me back to my original train of thought: Shameless. Though Steve and Fiona's relationship is far from perfect, their passion is hypnotizing. I know that it's only a television show and they're only actors but I find it absolutely, wildly, unapologetically depressing that off the top of my head, I can't name a single real couple who exude such passion for one another.
That fire... that fight... that is the kind of passion I need back in my life.
I don't know if college has killed my passion or if it's my own fault and I let it fizzle out; either way, I need to get it back.
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